Circus

Do you ever feel like your life is a circus? Not the elephants, clowns and ringmaster side of the circus, but the chaos, the messiness, the set up, knock down, set up again aspect of a circus that goes on and on and on again? Do you feel like things are moving around you and you are trying desperately to keep up, to enjoy the party because it can’t go on forever. I feel this insanity sometimes, an insanity that is not bad, it’s a whirlwind that is both exciting and wonderful while also being a bit overwhelming and a little difficult to completely understand.
I live an amazingly beautiful life that I am always battling. I am a control freak to the umpteenth degree; I have been since the day I was born. Its nothing I was taught. It is born within me and I try to mask it, or at least calm it down each and every day. But with this trait, I am doomed. I am set up for disaster, because no one can control everything, yet my mind is always looking for a way.
I am a stay at home mom in a community where having a nanny, a house keeper and a place to send your kids everyday is the norm. I do not partake in any of these absurd activities. My husband works in a crazy business that is unpredictable and frustrating. I am old-fashion, with conservative values and I am constantly trying to give my children the childhood I believe kids should have but few seem to get these days. I am devoted to cooking healthy and satisfying meals, teaching through experience, and giving them memories like monthly zoo trips and big birthday bashes. I am so wrapped up in this goal, however that I feel like I never stop. I feel like I live in a three-ring circus that is of my own creation and it terrifies me that if I slow down it could all come crashing to an end.